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Conversations to have before you say “I Do”

Marriage is a lifelong affair and it’s disheartening to know that many people spend years studying in the university, spend months preparing for the wedding and do not even take time out to prepare for marriage.

In preparation for marriage, there are books you need to read, effectual fervent prayers to be prayed, lives you need to study, and above all things you both need to talk about before you say “I do”.

Some may say, oh, I know those who did, yet it ended in tears… Well, communication is still essential if there will be understanding between two or more individuals, therefore in preparing for marriage, here are some things you need to talk about.

If these things can be truthfully discussed, then the decisions that follow will surely be in the interest of both of you.

1. Family background.

How will it affect your relationship? Family is something you both cannot do without, even in your relationships. Make necessary findings about each other’s family backgrounds and trash out necessary details before proceeding.

2. General views

What is your mental, psychological, social and emotional view of life? How will life situations affect you both?

What are her views about being submissive? Ladies, is he teachable, or his ego will never allow him to admit that he is wrong?

When you eventually marry, how many children are you willing to have? What family planning methods are you willing to adopt? Are you both willing to have children immediately after the marriage? If not, what happens if she becomes pregnant immediately after the wedding? What are your views about parenting? How would discipline be done?

How would you both handle relationships with the opposite sex even after the wedding? Are you the type who does not permit friendship with the opposite sex?

Where would you want to reside? What are your interests? What are your views about sex? How did you relate to them?

Read also: How to manage common money issues couples face in marriage, by Juliet Okene

3. Conflicts Resolution

Occasionally, there’ll be conflicts, talk about how to resolve them.

What are the things that you both can handle?

What can your spouse do to appease you when you are angry?

How can he/she increase the anger?

4. Finance

How would you both earn money? How would you share responsibilities? Money issues can destroy the home, it is better to discuss these things before going ahead with the wedding. If it feels like one person is acting parasitic, entitled or impulsive, it is important to confront it.

5. Religious and spiritual beliefs.

What are your beliefs? How involved are you with church activities? What’s your opinion on service in the house of God? How would you both serve God? What church or mosque would you be going to?

Iron these things out before saying “I do”

It is important to go for premarital counselling before getting married so that you can discuss and agree about many things before getting married. If you wish to have a session, you can send an email to

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